Things you can do to live much longer than you think
Our leader asked us for specific items. One of his requests was: Anti-aging: techniques, tips and methods to avoid “father time”.
Who is it Daddy time anyway? How did you come up with killing everyone? It just isn’t fair. We need to attack him, trip him, block him, and finally kill him. Then we can live forever or even longer.
I tried to find a Father Time joke on the internet. I failed, so as usual I’ll write my own joke:
A farmer was working in the barn and a tall, thin person in a black cape and black pointy hat came in to see him. He belonged to the “black branch” of the Ku Klux Klan. This dark character carried a scythe on his shoulder. The farmer grabbed the scythe and said, “We have been looking for that scythe for years. Damn thief! He grabbed the scythe, gave the black character a kick in the pants, and sent him running into the fields.
The scythe is the tool of the Grim reaper He’s Daddy time disguised. A scythe is an agricultural tool used to cut grain. It is a wooden rod with a stem. The upper end of the rod and also the stem have a handle or grip. The grips are parallel to the rod. At the end of the rod you will find the ring, the tang, the heel, the beard, the loin and the toe. Porcelain makes the cut. You young people will want to take a look at a scythe at http://www.scythesupply.com/.
The scythe is what the Grim Reaper uses to cut you. That is not what we want to happen. Here are some ways to cast a spell on the Grim Reaper alias Father Time.
Send some of your children to medical school.
That ‘s what I did. If I say “I had a small lump in my breast last week,” one of my medical kids will say, “Go to the ER, NOW!”
I say, “I’ll go tomorrow. I have to take the boys fishing. “
He says, “Dad! Put your ass down there! “
When I get there, the ER doctor is already talking to my son and starts testing me on everything from Abrin to Zoster.
Thank goodness for Medicare and AARP supplemental insurance.
Oh, do you want to see a list of diseases? Go to http://www.cdc.gov/az.do. Maybe you will find one that you like. You know what they say: “For a long life, find a disease and take care of it.”
Watch cartoons on television.
A man was supposed to die, so he lay down on his hospital bed and watched videos of Red Skelton. He laughed and laughed and laughed, but he couldn’t die.
He got out of bed and went home. Anyway, that’s the way I heard it.
At the first sign of a cold, take a ton of vitamin “C”.
Linus Pauling won two Nobel Prizes. One was for his work on the structure of matter. The other was the Peace Prize.
You should have bought one for your work with vitamin “C”. Read about it at http://lpi.oregonstate.edu/.
Read the label on those big fizzy pills you take to prevent illness from crowds and airplane cabins. There full of vitamin “C”. I only take vitamin “C”. It’s cheaper.
By the way, I recently popped one of those pills in my mouth in Michigan. It seemed like he was hydrophobic.
I take about 3000 mg of itamine “C”. The limit is 10,000 of what I have been told. Ask your doctor about the correct dosage or read the bottle label if you can read the handwriting that should have been put on the head of a pin.
Do what Katie Couric did but not on television.
That is, if you are over 50 years old, you need a doctor to place your fiber optic accessory where the sun does not shine to check your colon. Watch [http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/514178.html].
If you are a man, ask your doctor to place his finger in a place where he can examine your prostate. See above.
I know it’s not nice, but do it. Early detection is the key. Go to http://www.prostatecancerfoundation.org/.
I just lost a very good friend to prostate cancer.
Ditch the fat and excess food.
Heart disease and diabetes are two causes of death.
Read about heart disease at http://www.americanheart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=1200000.
Read about diabetes at [http://www.diabetes.org/home.jsp].
Take a baby aspirin every day to prevent strokes and heart attacks.
A few years ago, my cardiologist in Arizona said that he wanted to keep me alive until I was in my mid-eighties. My grandfather lived to be 95 and my parents lived to 88. However, I had uncles and cousins who died young from heart disease. I was surprised by what the doctor said as I had had coronary bypass surgery and had a faulty aortic valve. Since then I have had bypass surgery again and I have an aortic valve from a young pig. My surgeon now says that if I don’t die from something else, my heart and arteries should carry me for another 10 years.
Medical care is very important for diabetic and heart patients.
Do not forget.
Exercise, but don’t overdo it.
Here’s a place to start: http://www.presidentschallenge.org/.
Provide service to others.
How does this help? Well, giving help is like watching Red Skelton. You feel good and the mental attitude is important for a long life.
Go to http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2001790118_agelong13m0.html to read an inspiring story from a 110-year-old woman.
Looks after your teeth.
To get nutrients from food, you must be able to break down the structure of the food you eat. You do this by chewing and chewing and chewing.
Learn how to take care of your teeth at http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/dentalhealth.html.
Having long-lived parents.
Genes are important. Just remember that a proper life and medical care can make a difference. If you don’t have the best genes, read the article at [http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/08/0827_agegen.htm].
Help is on the way!
Read the article below.
This is for men, but women should read it too. Covers some of what I said and more. Go to http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_3_18/ai_83343023#continue.
To sing Happy days are here again daily.
This song was written by Jack Yellen and Milton Alger,
Happy days are here again
The skies above are clear again.
Let’s sing a song of joy again –
Happy days are here again.
Read the letter at http://www.k-state.edu/english/nelp/american.studies.s98/brother.happy.html.
Now sing them every day.